Book Signing and Jazz with @VivraPatricia in Henderson TX Friday, June 26

Join fellow East Texas author Vivra Beene and myself on Friday night, June 26 at MoJoe's Coffee Cafe in downtown Henderson, Texas. We'll be signing books, reading a few passages, and enjoying live jazz by guitarist Martyn Popey. (You want to hear Vivra read. She's Welsh. Her paranormal stories are spooky. Enough said. And you want to hear Martyn play. He's phenomenal. And my husband. Enough said.)

Our event starts at six o'clock and ends at eight, when a live band takes the stage from Martyn. You can find MoJoe's on Facebook for details and directions.

We hope to see you there!

Genesis of a Novel: That Dirty Rotten Lousy Stinking No-Good Dog of a Man

People sometimes ask where I find inspiration for my books, and so far, my ideas have come from real life. The title of this blog post kind of gives away the events behind A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES, but I'll fill you in on some of the particulars.

It's been a busy time for cheating spouses in East Texas. Women cheat, no doubt. But lately, it's the guys who have been up to no good. The basics of the story are always the same, but here are some details:

One gal found out her husband was cheating when he called her to come bail him out of jail. The charge? Soliciting a prostitute. (What balls to call his wife to come rescue him. We're talking big ones.)

Another husband came home and told his wife he was involved with another woman and wanted a divorce. Come to find out he'd been cheating for months, lying about where he was and what he was spending money (several thousands) on, and opening secret bank accounts. The photos on his phone and his computer records were revealing. (It's important to have a friend who knows how to search his electronic devices should you find yourself in this situation.)

A third husband brought his girlfriend to the business he owns with his wife, and proceeded to flirt outrageously with the other woman. Right there in front of the customers and his wife. Midlife crisis, anyone? (It was the boobs that got him. Definitely the boobs. That is all.)

In each case, we're talking massive male egos and probably delusions of grandeur. In each case, we're talking women with financial and community resources. And in every case, divorce followed, along with divided loyalties among families and friends. The saddest part? My girlfriends were all devastated by his infidelity. They had no idea that their marriages were in danger. More importantly, they had no idea he was sleeping with the other woman while he was still sleeping with them. *shudder*

It's a helpless feeling watching your friends go through something like this and knowing you can do nothing to ease their pain.

Except plot a means of getting even, which is where I come in.

None of the women I know would actually do bodily harm to their spouses. (With one exception. You know who you are. Own it, girl.) So I decided to think about the whole revenge thing on their behalf. What would happen to a guy who cheated, once his wife found out about it?



It's an interesting question, isn't it? Hell hath no fury, etc. And then I wondered, given the massive egos above and the well-off women they cheated on, what would happen if that husband decided he could work two marriages at the same time. Double the sugar mommas. Or even three. (Talk about living dangerously.) That's what sparked the idea for A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES.


A husband who disappears but keeps spending his wife's money, a wife who's desperate to get him out of her life but can't find him, and an ambitious private investigator who hasn't a clue what to do about it all.

Wine, women, and song. What could possibly go wrong?

Only time can ease a broken heart, but maybe some imaginary revenge will help. Click on the cover to buy a copy of A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES and then tell me, did he get what he deserves?


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#NewRelease A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES is only #99cents thru May 31! #mystery

Wine, women, and song. What could possibly go wrong?

Meet Maxine Leverman, lover of expensive shoes, beautiful handbags, and her lingerie wearing ex-husband's hush money. When she pleads her way into a job at family run Lost and Found Investigations, Maxine's only goal is to gain the concealed carry license and PI skills she needs to find the man who attacked her, and then kill him. (Or maybe just put him in jail. That decision can wait.)

But when she secretly takes a missing husband case on her first day at the agency, she stumbles into a high-stakes game of blackmail and murder. Maxine must unravel the links between a forgotten folk punk band, an international drug cartel, and the tangled history of the missing husband to keep the women in his life alive.

__________________

Celebrate the release of the new Cass Elliot Companion novel! Click on the cover above to get your copy for only 99 cents through Sunday, May 31.

Escape into Forney County with characters you love, and those you love to hate!

#Authors! Make Love to the #Tax Man - Get Your Paperwork in Order...

Yeah, I know. Nobody thinks "sex" when the tax man shows up. That was a cheap ploy to get you here because everybody hates tax time...






I'm a CPA and this time of year, I step out of the Cass Elliot Crime Series to work in a tax office. We see hundreds of clients every year, and most of them pay more for our services because they don't take the time to organize their paperwork. (We have one trainable client - he tossed all his paperwork in a boot box and brought it to us last year. It took a couple of hours to sort through it all, and when we gave the boot box back to him, everything was bundled together by source: farm income and expenses, royalty income, itemized deductions, etc. This year, he did the organizing himself, saving us two hours and himself some cold cash.)




I know, I know. Authors are creative types and all this tax nonsense brings us down. It's not that bad, really. If you haven't kept track of your writing expenses during 2014, it may take a little longer to pull everything together, but it's worth the effort because every legitimate business expense you identify lowers your total writing income, which lowers your tax bill.



You'll need to:

gather your 1099-MISC statements from Amazon, Apple, Smashwords, B&N, etc. Ensure your name is spelled correctly and your Social Security number is accurate.

summarize any fees you received for speaking or other engagements.

summarize the income you earned from selling books directly (at book signings, book fairs, or direct from your website). Remember to add up the cost of all those books including shipping, any postage related to shipping them to buyers, and do a count to see how many books you have left in inventory at the end of the year.

prepare a simple schedule summarizing all the expenses related to your writing business (we have four businesses, use an Excel spreadsheet for each, and update them regularly). Use the expense section from Schedule C as a guide. (Read this post if you're not sure about using Schedule C over Schedule E.)

remember to include the miles you drove related to your writing business. If you take a royalty check to the bank, take a writing related package to the post office, visit a book club, or pick up paper and toner, all of these miles are legitimate business expenses. The easiest way to track them is to keep a mileage log in your vehicle, and write down the date, purpose of your trip, and starting and ending miles each time you make a business related trip (the IRS wants you to use a log and keep it as documentation). Failing that, estimate distances and number of trips. This year, start logging.

remember to include the cost of hotels, plane tickets, cab fares, parking, and meals when you travel for writing related purposes. If you attend writing conferences, the fees to attend are deductible.

include the cost of memberships or dues paid to writing related organizations, and the cost of writing related subscriptions.

if you write at home, measure the square footage of the area you use exclusively for your writing and the storage of writing related materials. You might be entitled to take an 'office in the home' deduction. Ask your tax preparer.

calculate the cost of health, dental, and long term care insurance for yourself and your family. If your writing business is profitable, you may be able to deduct some or all of these costs.

And that's pretty much it, folks. Your tax preparer will love you, or, if they're the no-personality type, not hate you. If you self-prepare your taxes, it'll make the process much smoother.

Leave your questions in the comments and I'll do what I can to help.




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Tools of Torture in Texas - The Honey Locust Tree

One of the things I love about Texas as a setting for crime novels is that there are so many ways to kill people, or if we don't need a killing, just hurt them.



Take the honey locust tree. It's a nasty thing, and along with fire ants and snakes, one of the topics I plan to discuss with God when I squeeze my way through those Pearly Gates.


I've heard they can grow to over 75 feet, but I haven't seen any honey locusts taller than 40 feet or so on our place. Thank goodness, because they're a bear to take down by hand.

Here's why:

 

The branches of the honey locust are covered in dark red thorns that grow five to six inches long, and are barbed, making this tree a natural form of brutal barbed wire. These thorns aren't some namby-pamby flexible things; we've punctured tires on farm vehicles by driving over a honey locust thorn.






If that's not bad enough, the trunk is covered with clusters of thorns. Chopping one of these babies down requires careful de-limbing and a delicate dance as the tree falls. I don't think we've taken one down without numerous puncture wounds and scratches. Dragging it to the burn pile? Be careful, because gloves are useless. (We've moved on to using a Bobcat for this type of work. Our heads, shoulders, legs, arms, hands - even our feet - thank us.)

People use these things in their landscapes for shade and because the flowers are attractive. Personally, I prefer a less threatening form of garden enhancement. (There's supposed to be a thornless variety, but why take the chance?)

Do you see why I treasure all the weirdness in East Texas?




Back to the point of this post: torture. I don't think someone could die from a run-in with these thorns (I Googled it and found no instances of death by honey locust), but they could poke an eye out and perhaps end up with unintended piercings.

On the other hand, barbed wire contributed to a death in THE DEVIL OF LIGHT, and those barbs are much shorter than a honey locust's thorns, so who knows what might happen to a bad guy who runs head-on into one of these trees?

So far in the Cass Elliot Crime Series, twin teenage brothers Matt and Mark Grove have twice found themselves in situations where one or the other is assaulted by a honey locust, resulting in creative cursing and several dollars for the cuss bucket. I can, however, imagine a more violent use for them in the future. The bad folks of Forney County better watch out...


(I should come clean at this point: the USDA says you can find this horrible tree all over the US, with the exception of Oregon and Washington (and presumably Hawaii and Alaska). Which means you have free rein to torture a character with a honey locust just about anywhere in the states. But boy, I'd sure like to know what those two states did to become honey locust free.)


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To Schedule C, or to Schedule E? That is the Question. #authors #taxes

It's that time of year again, when I reluctantly leave imaginary Forney County where the Cass Elliot Crime Series lives, and step into that soul-sucking experience we call US income taxes.

If you're an author, you're in the same boat. Those beautiful 1099-MISC forms from Amazon, Smashwords, B&N, Apple, etc. are arriving via mail and email, and it's time to decide how to handle your writing business for tax purposes. You'd think it would be a straightforward matter, wouldn't you?

 

Settle in. We've got some talking to do. At this point, consumption of caffeine is appropriate. This post is a long but important one.



There's much debate in the author community about IRS forms, and most of the discussion revolves around whether you should use:

Schedule C - Profit or Loss from Business (Sole Proprietorship), or

Schedule E - Supplemental Income and Loss (From rental real estate, royalties, partnerships, etc.)

to report income and expenses related to your writing business. In fairness, it’s a confusing topic because royalty income is reported as, well, Royalties on your 1099-MISC.

I use Schedule C, but I wanted to make sure I was giving you good information, so I called the IRS. Surprisingly, the agent I talked to wasn’t an ogre. He was rather nice, in fact. My IRS agent, John, said:

If you are actively involved in the business of writing and intend to make a profit through your writing, complete Schedule C. You can claim all the expenses related to running your book writing and publishing business on Schedule C.

However, there are two times when an author would file a Schedule E:

• if you are no longer actively engaged in the business of writing, but are still receiving royalties from your books, or
• if you hold the royalty rights to a book you did not produce.

 
In both cases, the earnings from those books are considered passive. For example, after a writer dies, their books continue to sell and earn royalties. The person who inherits the rights to those royalties is not actively involved in the business of producing that product; therefore, the income is passively earned. Because this income is passive, it and any related expenses are reported on Schedule E.


To add credibility to non-ogre John's comments, the instructions for Schedule E state (on page 6, first column):

If you are in business as a self-employed writer, inventor, artist, etc., report your royalty income and expenses on Schedule C or C-EZ.

Schedule C is designed to capture all the expenses related to running a sole proprietorship, which is what you, as an author, are until you form a partnership or a corporation in some form. Most of us will remain a sole proprietorship for our lifetimes.

Since the IRS says those of us who are actively engaged in the business of writing should file Schedule C, and the instructions for Schedule E even say we should file Schedule C, why the debate? It all comes down to that nasty self-employment tax.

Here's the rub: net income reported on Schedule C is subject to the 15.3% (in 2014) SE tax. In reality, you pay half that amount - you can (and should) deduct the employer portion of SE tax on page one of your Form 1040 (line 27).

Income reported on Schedule E is not subject to SE tax.

Makes Schedule E tempting, doesn't it?

Filing Schedule E means you can save 7.65% (your half of SE taxes) in taxes. However, in addition to the fact that we're supposed to use Schedule C, there's a good reason why filing a Schedule C makes sense for those of us who are self-employed.


Self-employed individuals (Schedule C filers) can deduct the cost of health, dental, and qualified long term care insurance (maximum deduction amount established by age) for themselves and their dependents to the extent of their net income from self-employment (see IRS Pub 535 on this topic). The premiums must be paid out of your pocket, not paid by an employer. Schedule E filers are not considered self-employed and cannot take this deduction.

Here's a rough example of how it works (hang with me, it's not as hard as it sounds):

You earn $15,000 in royalties from your writing business in 2014. Expenses related to that business in 2014 total $7,000. Your net income from writing is $8,000 ($15,000 minus $7,000). You'll pay $612 in SE tax ($8,000 x 7.65%).

You are a married individual and pay $5,500 in health and dental insurance premiums (out of your pocket, not paid by an employer), and $1,500 in long term care premiums for you and your spouse. Because the total of your health related insurance premiums, $7,000, does not exceed your self-employed net income of $8,000, you can deduct the full $7,000 on page one of your Form 1040 (line 29).

In this case, it benefits you to file Schedule C, despite the SE tax. "Above the line" deductions - those taken on page one of your Form 1040 - reduce your tax liability by your tax rate. (Keep hanging on, we're almost done.)

Let's say you and your spouse jointly earn $40,000. That puts you in the 15% tax bracket. The $7,000 deduction for health insurance premiums saves you $1,050 in taxes ($7,000 x 15%). Yes, you're paying $612 in SE tax, but you're also saving $438 on your total tax bill ($1,050 minus $612).

If you and your spouse earn $75,000, that tips you over the edge into the 25% tax bracket. Your $7,000 in health insurance deductions saves you $1,750 in taxes ($7,000 x 25%). You're paying $612 in SE tax, and saving $1,138 on your total tax bill ($1,750 minus $612).

To get a better idea of how this deduction works in your situation, see the IRS tax brackets for 2014, here.
 
The information included in this post is not intended to replace the advice of your tax accountant, but I hope it helps clear up the debate.

Now I'm headed back to Forney County for a little mayhem and murder. Come join me. Nothing reduces tax-related stress like killing off a few characters.


Helpful links:

Schedule C in pdf form / Schedule C Instructions

Schedule E in pdf form / Schedule E Instructions

Form 1040 in pdf form / Form 1040 Instructions


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Meet My Character Blog Tour - Maxine Leverman

I was lucky enough to be asked by Charles Dougherty (@clrdougherty) to introduce the main character from my current novel. Charles is probably best known for the Bluewater Thriller series, but my favorite book of his is a mystery called DECEPTION IN SAVANNAH. It has a great cast of characters and is loaded with a twisty plot that will have you laughing and dying to know who done it.

Be sure to meet the main characters from the Bluewater Thriller series on Charles' blog (click here), and at the end of this post, I'll introduce you to two new authors, so keep reading!

One of the things I love about writing a series is that I never know where the characters will take me. People often assume that my characters are an amalgamation of people I've known with a smidge of my personality thrown in, but this is rarely true. So far, my characters have arisen from the imaginary world I've created, Forney County, to fill a necessary role in the story. We need an insecure sheriff, and hey presto, Bill Hoffner is born and matures through the books. Characters rarely arrive fully loaded with an intact history; instead, I have the pleasure of learning about them as the stories, and then the series, unfolds.

Today I'm introducing a character who made herself known in the second Cass Elliot crime novel, AVENGERS OF BLOOD. Maxine Leverman appeared about halfway through the book, and once I finished writing, she wouldn't leave my head. So I decided to try and write her out of it. Will it work? She's turning out to be a persistent gal and I suspect she'll end up having a series of her own, but only time will tell.

Who is Maxine Leverman?

Maxine was born in 1985, the same year as Cass, which makes them both 26 in 2011, the year the first two Cass Elliot novels and Maxine's first book begin. She and Cass have known each other since childhood and in Maxine's words:

Cass Elliot is my best friend. Has been since, well, maybe not since before dirt, but certainly since we were eating dirt. Usually at her house. Mud pies tasted better there, probably thanks to something toxic in the soil.

Maxine married young and divorced her hedge fund managing husband after realizing he was a cross-dresser. She's making him pay for his love of lingerie, literally, and has no need of a job. On a weekend out partying after her divorce, she was drugged, raped, and marked with a scar that runs from her collar bone to beneath her breast. She and Cass lost touch during "the hedge fund years", but Maxine finally came to Cass in AVENGERS OF BLOOD, seeking help in finding the man who attacked her. She discovered that Cass has a similar scar on her chest; it seems they've been raped by the same man, although years apart.

After Cass is shot in AVENGERS OF BLOOD, Maxine decides to become a private investigator to work with Cass in finding and stopping their rapist.


When and where is the story set?

Maxine's first novel moves between the very fictional Arcadia located in Forney County in East Texas, and the very real Dallas, Texas. Maxine was born and raised in Arcadia but finds that even though she needs to come home to be closer to Cass, she can't leave her big city life behind. Thankfully, she has enough dirt on the cross-dressing ex-husband to fund comfortable homes in both locations.

The book is set in 2011, the year of Texas' worst drought in nearly a century. If you've read the Cass Elliot crime novels, you'll recognize many of the characters who turn up in Maxine's story. In a place as small as Arcadia, we're bound to bump into the same people now and again. But you'll also meet a host of new characters relevant to Maxine's life and this mystery.


What defines Maxine?

Maxine is ferociously headstrong and independent. Her father adored her but valued her older brother because he was the male child and therefore the heir to their family's oilfield business. She found herself competing for their father's recognition until his death when she was twelve. During their childhood and into their adult lives, their mother was absorbed in competing with her husband by building a successful custom furniture business.

This lack of attention and love drove Maxine into the bosom of the dysfunctional Elliot family. She spent much of her childhood in Cass's home, simply accepted as another of the many children racing through the house.

Maxine is defined by her gender, or more specifically by her father's belief that while girls are special, boys are worthy. Marriage to the hedge fund manager introduced her to power and money on a massive scale, and while she's more than financially secure thanks to his love of silk panties and the trust fund her father left her, she needs to build her own life, to find a path that allows her to be taken seriously. She's decided that the road to credibility lies in becoming a private investigator and working at the Lost and Found Detective Agency with her aunts, Kay and Babby, and her cousin Cindy.


What is the main conflict? What messes up her life?

Maxine is mouthy, impetuous, and overtly sexy. She's fully capable of messing up her own life, although circumstances outside her control have contrived to kick her occasionally. She surreptitiously takes a case on her first day at Lost and Found and decides to work it herself, assuming that finding a missing husband is a no-brainer. After all, she's had a husband, hasn't she? How hard can it be to find one that's gone astray?

From that decision, things go from bad to worse. When the aunts find out, Kay makes up her mind to fire Maxine for working without a PI license, and Babby only manages to save her by promising that Maxine will work under her supervision. Chastised, Maxine accepts the help of her aunts and cousin and finds the husband, but also discovers that his life is a tangled web of lies. The deeper she digs, the more secrets she discovers and the harder it is for Maxine to let go of a case she's already solved. When people start dying, she doesn't believe the police have arrested the right murderer and pushes her aunts, her cousin, and Cass to help her find the truth.


What drives Maxine?

When she started working at Lost and Found, Maxine's sole goal was to use their resources to find her rapist. But as she's worked the case of the missing husband, she's found that she enjoys investigations and that her passion for seeing things to completion (or her hardheadedness, depending who you ask) is a benefit that can drive her to succeed. More importantly, she's discovered that the truth, and finding it, matters greatly to her.


Is there a working title for this novel?

Nope, no title yet.


When can we expect the book to be published?

Follow me on Twitter (@gaelynnwoods) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaelynn.woods) for news about this release and upcoming Cass Elliot novels.

________________________________________________

And now I'd like to introduce you to two fabulous authors that I've read and enjoyed, Dana Griffin and Sinclair Macleod. Check their blogs in the next week or so for introductions to one of their characters.

Dana Griffin (dana-griffin.com) writes high intensity airline thrillers. Yes, thrillers about airplanes. His first two books are THE COVER-UP and COERCED, and Dana knows what he's talking about. He's been a pilot for 25 years, the last 15 of those with major airlines. All this experience gives his books a reality that makes for a wild, conspiracy-filled ride. You can find him on Twitter at @DanaGriffin97.

Sinclair Macleod (sinclairmacleod.blogspot.com) lives in Glasgow and writes THE RELUCTANT DETECTIVE mystery series starring Craig Campbell, a Glaswegian insurance investigator pressed into finding out who murdered a young boy. Sinclair has a way with characters, giving you a sense that these are real people who live and breathe. He draws you into the seedy underside of life, but manages to leave you with a bit of hope for humanity no matter how depraved we may seem. You can find him on Twitter at @sinclairmacleod.

A Girl Called Gus - The Art of Naming Characters

I've always been fascinated by names. Probably because Gae-Lynn is so uncommon. But having a weird first name isn't enough for my family. I'm also blessed with an unusual nickname. Seems my paternal grandfather held me as a howling, red-faced newborn and said, "She looks like a Gus."

And that was that.
 
Family and friends call me Gus, I'm Auntie Gus to my nieces and nephews, and my husband calls me 'Gus the Destroyer' because it ain't been built that I can't break. In fact, Gus is the one word I hear in any circumstance. (Watching people react to a girl called Gus is pretty humorous.)

My name and nickname are part of who I am, how I define myself, and perhaps how others define me. If I had to choose which name, Gae-Lynn or Gus, suited me best, I'd struggle. Both are me.

Names are important, aren't they? Parents agonize over what to call their offspring. Some believe that a name influences their child's personality and future success and happiness. Some delay naming their kids until after birth. In certain families, the naming of a child can divide loyalties or guarantee inheritances.

Sid and her first calf

[We have no kids and there's no money hanging in the balance, but the name game affects us, too. Our cows have names, usually influenced by their personalities. Sid Vicious has a quiff and an erratic personality like the late punk rocker. Sweet One simply is. Our bull is Elvis because of the peculiar way his lip curls when he's chasing the ladies.]


Just as in 'real' life, choosing a name for your characters is important. It's heady stuff, bestowing a name that will live on as long as someone is reading your books.

Rightly or wrongly, names paint an image of a character's physical or emotional characteristics in my mind. Because this imagery is so powerful for me (and possibly for others), I let it influence my character names. For example:

Scott Truman - an honest, loyal, hardworking young cop

Judge Shackleford - a tough minded judge

Hugo Petchard - a distasteful cop who relies on his daddy's money to buy influence (he also isn't huge, which bothers him greatly)

I try to pick names that don't look or sound alike, unless it doesn't matter that they do. The Cass Elliot Crime Series includes teenaged twins, Matt and Mark Grove. They're always together, always in trouble, and it doesn't really matter who is who.

In cases where it does matter, I like unique names. It helps me set the stage for 'who' a character is and what he's about, both for myself and for the reader. Names are one way to give characters an identity, and they're an easy touchstone to help the reader stay focused.
 
The name thing matters so much to me that I've abandoned books if I can't keep the characters straight. I'm about to shut down a story now because two characters have names so similar I get confused: Mark and Marcus. Their roles are also similar (police / security guys) and that makes it even harder to keep them straight.
 
What about you? Do names resonate with you? Have you ever stopped reading because the names were so similar you couldn't keep them straight? Is naming an important part of your writing process?


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Turning a Farming, er, Mishap Into Writing Inspiration

Real life offers great opportunities for adding depth to your writing.

For example, I now know that lips do more than wear lipstick and hold cigarettes. They serve a very practical purpose, that of keeping spit in your mouth. Why, you ask, am I worried about spit and whether it stays in my mouth? Because it’s suddenly relevant thanks to a recent farming mishap.

Let me share a tip, something that might save you pain and unsightly drooling in the future: keep your free hand firmly on the heavy-duty brushcutter when your other hand yanks on the starter cord. If you don’t, said brushcutter is likely to fly up off the ground and smack you in the face. Or, more precisely in my case, the mouth.

Another lesson learned the hard way.

How could this possibly add depth to my writing? At the time of the lip-splitting injury, I wasn’t worried about writing at all. I was more interested in stopping the cascade of blood running down my chin and neck (although I do remember a certain amazement that a damaged lip could bleed so much), and berating myself for not putting a foot on the brushcutter before trying to start the thing. I am a grown woman. I know better.

No, it was my husband who was thinking of my writing career when all this was going down.

To his credit, he didn’t mention writing until he got me back to the house, sopped up most of the blood, verified that my teeth were still snug in their gums, and determined that I probably wouldn’t need reconstructive surgery on the lip. (Yes, the split is that deep. It’s not a cut, not a fat lip, but a split right through the lip. Ouch. And ick, because it leaks.)




Only then does he say, “You need to write this down. How it happened, how it felt. The blood, what your lip looks like. Because one day, Cass is going to split her lip while trying to start a weedeater.”

Oooh, yeah, I think, attention totally diverted from the sting of hydrogen peroxide. “It wouldn’t be Cass,” I clarify, hoping that my imaginary main character is smarter than I am. “But Goober might do something like that.”

“No,” Husband says. “There’s no way Goober could start something as complex as a weedeater.”

“Good point. Maybe it is Cass. She might get bashed in the face when she’s arresting somebody.”

After that, I was off. Pain not entirely forgotten, but pushed to the side, brain alive with a new scene for my current book, wondering how to describe the sensation of a lip splitting, the taste of blood, and all the rest of it. Fun indeed.

I also realized that I do this quite frequently - pondering whether real life will work in a novel, not whacking myself in the face - though it’s usually someone else’s injury that inspires me. Yes, it’s crass, but it’s also the truth.

Is it just me, or do you find inspiration for your writing in the messes we get ourselves into?

(A few tips, just in case you ever split your lip while trying to start a brushcutter: 

An ice pack helps with the swelling. 

Laughing, smiling, and sneezing are not advisable. 

Straws help – think Mason Verger in Hannibal – but hold off on sipping that hot cup of coffee or tea until it cools down a tad.)

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