#Quote of the Day: Ernest Hemingway on Learning to #Write #Inspiration

The only thing they need to see is the finished product. The blood, sweat, and tears belong to us.

#Interview Part 1: #Banker Turned #Crime Author. How Does THAT Happen? Find out on @NChristie_OH 's blog!

Join me for Part 1 of an interview on speaker and author Nancy Christie's blog where we talk my transition from international banking to crime fiction; the event that triggered my desire to write; the writing process; some of my favorite authors; writer's block; and more. She's an inquisitive gal and her questions were unique and a blast to answer!


Haven't met Nancy? She's a full-time author, speaker, and instructor, teaching at conferences and in classrooms across the country. (A busy woman indeed, and a lovely person to know.)




You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, or on her website where you'll find links to her writing blogs and upcoming speaking gigs.

(Part 2 of this interview is now live! You can find it here.)

Genesis of a Novel: That Dirty Rotten Lousy Stinking No-Good Dog of a Man

People sometimes ask where I find inspiration for my books, and so far, my ideas have come from real life. The title of this blog post kind of gives away the events behind A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES, but I'll fill you in on some of the particulars.

It's been a busy time for cheating spouses in East Texas. Women cheat, no doubt. But lately, it's the guys who have been up to no good. The basics of the story are always the same, but here are some details:

One gal found out her husband was cheating when he called her to come bail him out of jail. The charge? Soliciting a prostitute. (What balls to call his wife to come rescue him. We're talking big ones.)

Another husband came home and told his wife he was involved with another woman and wanted a divorce. Come to find out he'd been cheating for months, lying about where he was and what he was spending money (several thousands) on, and opening secret bank accounts. The photos on his phone and his computer records were revealing. (It's important to have a friend who knows how to search his electronic devices should you find yourself in this situation.)

A third husband brought his girlfriend to the business he owns with his wife, and proceeded to flirt outrageously with the other woman. Right there in front of the customers and his wife. Midlife crisis, anyone? (It was the boobs that got him. Definitely the boobs. That is all.)

In each case, we're talking massive male egos and probably delusions of grandeur. In each case, we're talking women with financial and community resources. And in every case, divorce followed, along with divided loyalties among families and friends. The saddest part? My girlfriends were all devastated by his infidelity. They had no idea that their marriages were in danger. More importantly, they had no idea he was sleeping with the other woman while he was still sleeping with them. *shudder*

It's a helpless feeling watching your friends go through something like this and knowing you can do nothing to ease their pain.

Except plot a means of getting even, which is where I come in.

None of the women I know would actually do bodily harm to their spouses. (With one exception. You know who you are. Own it, girl.) So I decided to think about the whole revenge thing on their behalf. What would happen to a guy who cheated, once his wife found out about it?



It's an interesting question, isn't it? Hell hath no fury, etc. And then I wondered, given the massive egos above and the well-off women they cheated on, what would happen if that husband decided he could work two marriages at the same time. Double the sugar mommas. Or even three. (Talk about living dangerously.) That's what sparked the idea for A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES.


A husband who disappears but keeps spending his wife's money, a wife who's desperate to get him out of her life but can't find him, and an ambitious private investigator who hasn't a clue what to do about it all.

Wine, women, and song. What could possibly go wrong?

Only time can ease a broken heart, but maybe some imaginary revenge will help. Click on the cover to buy a copy of A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES and then tell me, did he get what he deserves?


photo credit: MLO201503-4767 via photopin (license)
photo credit: joy of marriage via photopin (license)
photo credit: domesticated via photopin (license)
photo credit: Grasshopper's - 3some - ♂♂♀ via photopin (license)

Water, Water Everywhere, and all the (Potential) Crimes It Reveals #mystery

We've had a very wet winter and spring - that's something you won't hear people from Texas say with any sort of frequency. But this year it's true. (Every drop of rain is welcome after the drought of 2011. Even when they come in a torrent. Day after day. And drown your garden. We could do without the tornadoes, high winds, hail, and lightning strikes, but the rain is good.)

It's interesting to see how the land reacts to so much water. Our house and some of the best pasture are on high ground, which drops away steeply to hardwood covered bottom land, and then to a creek at our property boundary. This year the bottom land flooded, and looked like this:

The water was deep enough to cover the bottom strand of the electric fence and in places, the top strand. We needed a jet ski instead of a tractor. The good news is that since we couldn't get to the bottom land, neither could the cows, so there was little risk they'd make a break for it to graze along the roadside. (Honestly, the grass is greener...)


Because of our land's topography, we experience quite a bit of run-off. This year the rain has moved dead timber, washed away soil, and uncovered potential evidence of a crime.

We were checking the damage from a strong storm and peeking from the earth were bits of fabric: a baby blanket, baby clothes, women's clothes, a sheet, a single baby shoe, toy shoes, and a spoon. (You know where I'm headed. This can't just be somebody's trash. There has to be a murder involved. Or at least a disappearance.)



I would've been irritated with the neighbors if I'd found this stuff near the back fence, where trash occasionally gets dumped. And I might've figured the people who rented our house back in 2005 tossed out a bag of clothes because they couldn't be bothered to go to the county dump (they weren't the cleanest of people). But these clothes were in the middle of our property, nowhere near the house or any fences.

They've been here for a while. It's not like the clothes were just sitting on the ground. Some were close to the surface, while others were buried under several inches of soil. Some were rotting, and the styles could be from 1980s onward. It's hard to believe all of these clothes didn't get put here at the same time. So what are the possibilities?

A woman and her child were on the run from her abusive husband. She snuck onto our property and picked a sheltered location to spend the night, but had to flee when her husband found her, and she left a bag of clothes behind. Or maybe he killed her and buried the bodies.

A drug addicted woman got kicked out of her home. She packed clothes, her drugs and a spoon to cook them in, and she and her child ended up living on our property. The former property owner surprised her and she took the baby and ran, leaving the clothes and spoon behind. Or maybe he killed her and wild hogs ate the bodies.

A woman and child were on the run, but the person they were running from caught them, killed them, buried the bodies, but didn't worry about the clothes. (Our place is big enough that you could bury a body here and we might never find it. That's not an invitation, by the way.)

A woman steals a child and hides on our property. The police surprise her and she runs, leaving the clothes and spoon behind.

A family falls on hard times and is walking, looking for work, carrying their few belongings. They sleep in pastures at night, but this night the land owner surprised them and they fled, leaving the clothes and spoon behind. Or maybe he killed them all and...well, you know the rest.

The wife of one of the oilfield workers who come on and off our place on almost a daily basis gave him a bag of trash to toss and instead of taking it to the dump, he left it on our place.

Isn't it great? All of these scenarios (except the last one, unless the land owner sees the oilfield worker toss the trash, kills him, and buries the body) could find a home in one of the Cass Elliot novels. All thanks to the rain.

What about you? What weird things (and plot lines) has the weather uncovered for you?

(Were these clothes somehow linked to a real crime? Probably not. The guy we bought the land from left the gates unlocked and people came on and off to hunt, fish, and who knows what else. As my husband suggested, this is probably just a bag of trash someone dumped, but it's much more fun to think there's a crime behind the clothes.)

Tools of Torture in Texas - The Honey Locust Tree

One of the things I love about Texas as a setting for crime novels is that there are so many ways to kill people, or if we don't need a killing, just hurt them.



Take the honey locust tree. It's a nasty thing, and along with fire ants and snakes, one of the topics I plan to discuss with God when I squeeze my way through those Pearly Gates.


I've heard they can grow to over 75 feet, but I haven't seen any honey locusts taller than 40 feet or so on our place. Thank goodness, because they're a bear to take down by hand.

Here's why:

 

The branches of the honey locust are covered in dark red thorns that grow five to six inches long, and are barbed, making this tree a natural form of brutal barbed wire. These thorns aren't some namby-pamby flexible things; we've punctured tires on farm vehicles by driving over a honey locust thorn.






If that's not bad enough, the trunk is covered with clusters of thorns. Chopping one of these babies down requires careful de-limbing and a delicate dance as the tree falls. I don't think we've taken one down without numerous puncture wounds and scratches. Dragging it to the burn pile? Be careful, because gloves are useless. (We've moved on to using a Bobcat for this type of work. Our heads, shoulders, legs, arms, hands - even our feet - thank us.)

People use these things in their landscapes for shade and because the flowers are attractive. Personally, I prefer a less threatening form of garden enhancement. (There's supposed to be a thornless variety, but why take the chance?)

Do you see why I treasure all the weirdness in East Texas?




Back to the point of this post: torture. I don't think someone could die from a run-in with these thorns (I Googled it and found no instances of death by honey locust), but they could poke an eye out and perhaps end up with unintended piercings.

On the other hand, barbed wire contributed to a death in THE DEVIL OF LIGHT, and those barbs are much shorter than a honey locust's thorns, so who knows what might happen to a bad guy who runs head-on into one of these trees?

So far in the Cass Elliot Crime Series, twin teenage brothers Matt and Mark Grove have twice found themselves in situations where one or the other is assaulted by a honey locust, resulting in creative cursing and several dollars for the cuss bucket. I can, however, imagine a more violent use for them in the future. The bad folks of Forney County better watch out...


(I should come clean at this point: the USDA says you can find this horrible tree all over the US, with the exception of Oregon and Washington (and presumably Hawaii and Alaska). Which means you have free rein to torture a character with a honey locust just about anywhere in the states. But boy, I'd sure like to know what those two states did to become honey locust free.)


photo credit: via photopin (license)
photo credit: may 30 via photopin (license)

To Schedule C, or to Schedule E? That is the Question. #authors #taxes

It's that time of year again, when I reluctantly leave imaginary Forney County where the Cass Elliot Crime Series lives, and step into that soul-sucking experience we call US income taxes.

If you're an author, you're in the same boat. Those beautiful 1099-MISC forms from Amazon, Smashwords, B&N, Apple, etc. are arriving via mail and email, and it's time to decide how to handle your writing business for tax purposes. You'd think it would be a straightforward matter, wouldn't you?

 

Settle in. We've got some talking to do. At this point, consumption of caffeine is appropriate. This post is a long but important one.



There's much debate in the author community about IRS forms, and most of the discussion revolves around whether you should use:

Schedule C - Profit or Loss from Business (Sole Proprietorship), or

Schedule E - Supplemental Income and Loss (From rental real estate, royalties, partnerships, etc.)

to report income and expenses related to your writing business. In fairness, it’s a confusing topic because royalty income is reported as, well, Royalties on your 1099-MISC.

I use Schedule C, but I wanted to make sure I was giving you good information, so I called the IRS. Surprisingly, the agent I talked to wasn’t an ogre. He was rather nice, in fact. My IRS agent, John, said:

If you are actively involved in the business of writing and intend to make a profit through your writing, complete Schedule C. You can claim all the expenses related to running your book writing and publishing business on Schedule C.

However, there are two times when an author would file a Schedule E:

• if you are no longer actively engaged in the business of writing, but are still receiving royalties from your books, or
• if you hold the royalty rights to a book you did not produce.

 
In both cases, the earnings from those books are considered passive. For example, after a writer dies, their books continue to sell and earn royalties. The person who inherits the rights to those royalties is not actively involved in the business of producing that product; therefore, the income is passively earned. Because this income is passive, it and any related expenses are reported on Schedule E.


To add credibility to non-ogre John's comments, the instructions for Schedule E state (on page 6, first column):

If you are in business as a self-employed writer, inventor, artist, etc., report your royalty income and expenses on Schedule C or C-EZ.

Schedule C is designed to capture all the expenses related to running a sole proprietorship, which is what you, as an author, are until you form a partnership or a corporation in some form. Most of us will remain a sole proprietorship for our lifetimes.

Since the IRS says those of us who are actively engaged in the business of writing should file Schedule C, and the instructions for Schedule E even say we should file Schedule C, why the debate? It all comes down to that nasty self-employment tax.

Here's the rub: net income reported on Schedule C is subject to the 15.3% (in 2014) SE tax. In reality, you pay half that amount - you can (and should) deduct the employer portion of SE tax on page one of your Form 1040 (line 27).

Income reported on Schedule E is not subject to SE tax.

Makes Schedule E tempting, doesn't it?

Filing Schedule E means you can save 7.65% (your half of SE taxes) in taxes. However, in addition to the fact that we're supposed to use Schedule C, there's a good reason why filing a Schedule C makes sense for those of us who are self-employed.


Self-employed individuals (Schedule C filers) can deduct the cost of health, dental, and qualified long term care insurance (maximum deduction amount established by age) for themselves and their dependents to the extent of their net income from self-employment (see IRS Pub 535 on this topic). The premiums must be paid out of your pocket, not paid by an employer. Schedule E filers are not considered self-employed and cannot take this deduction.

Here's a rough example of how it works (hang with me, it's not as hard as it sounds):

You earn $15,000 in royalties from your writing business in 2014. Expenses related to that business in 2014 total $7,000. Your net income from writing is $8,000 ($15,000 minus $7,000). You'll pay $612 in SE tax ($8,000 x 7.65%).

You are a married individual and pay $5,500 in health and dental insurance premiums (out of your pocket, not paid by an employer), and $1,500 in long term care premiums for you and your spouse. Because the total of your health related insurance premiums, $7,000, does not exceed your self-employed net income of $8,000, you can deduct the full $7,000 on page one of your Form 1040 (line 29).

In this case, it benefits you to file Schedule C, despite the SE tax. "Above the line" deductions - those taken on page one of your Form 1040 - reduce your tax liability by your tax rate. (Keep hanging on, we're almost done.)

Let's say you and your spouse jointly earn $40,000. That puts you in the 15% tax bracket. The $7,000 deduction for health insurance premiums saves you $1,050 in taxes ($7,000 x 15%). Yes, you're paying $612 in SE tax, but you're also saving $438 on your total tax bill ($1,050 minus $612).

If you and your spouse earn $75,000, that tips you over the edge into the 25% tax bracket. Your $7,000 in health insurance deductions saves you $1,750 in taxes ($7,000 x 25%). You're paying $612 in SE tax, and saving $1,138 on your total tax bill ($1,750 minus $612).

To get a better idea of how this deduction works in your situation, see the IRS tax brackets for 2014, here.
 
The information included in this post is not intended to replace the advice of your tax accountant, but I hope it helps clear up the debate.

Now I'm headed back to Forney County for a little mayhem and murder. Come join me. Nothing reduces tax-related stress like killing off a few characters.


Helpful links:

Schedule C in pdf form / Schedule C Instructions

Schedule E in pdf form / Schedule E Instructions

Form 1040 in pdf form / Form 1040 Instructions


photo credit: Charlotte BarCamp 2 pre-party via photopin (license)
photo credit: DEATH and TAXES via photopin (license)
photo credit: Self Employment Tax Form - Schedule SE via photopin (license)
photo credit: Is there any hope? via photopin (license)
photo credit: Commercial and Agricultural Bank of Texas $3.00 (three dollars) private scrip via photopin (license)
photo credit: Desert gun fun via photopin (license)

Meet My Character Blog Tour - Maxine Leverman

I was lucky enough to be asked by Charles Dougherty (@clrdougherty) to introduce the main character from my current novel. Charles is probably best known for the Bluewater Thriller series, but my favorite book of his is a mystery called DECEPTION IN SAVANNAH. It has a great cast of characters and is loaded with a twisty plot that will have you laughing and dying to know who done it.

Be sure to meet the main characters from the Bluewater Thriller series on Charles' blog (click here), and at the end of this post, I'll introduce you to two new authors, so keep reading!

One of the things I love about writing a series is that I never know where the characters will take me. People often assume that my characters are an amalgamation of people I've known with a smidge of my personality thrown in, but this is rarely true. So far, my characters have arisen from the imaginary world I've created, Forney County, to fill a necessary role in the story. We need an insecure sheriff, and hey presto, Bill Hoffner is born and matures through the books. Characters rarely arrive fully loaded with an intact history; instead, I have the pleasure of learning about them as the stories, and then the series, unfolds.

Today I'm introducing a character who made herself known in the second Cass Elliot crime novel, AVENGERS OF BLOOD. Maxine Leverman appeared about halfway through the book, and once I finished writing, she wouldn't leave my head. So I decided to try and write her out of it. Will it work? She's turning out to be a persistent gal and I suspect she'll end up having a series of her own, but only time will tell.

Who is Maxine Leverman?

Maxine was born in 1985, the same year as Cass, which makes them both 26 in 2011, the year the first two Cass Elliot novels and Maxine's first book begin. She and Cass have known each other since childhood and in Maxine's words:

Cass Elliot is my best friend. Has been since, well, maybe not since before dirt, but certainly since we were eating dirt. Usually at her house. Mud pies tasted better there, probably thanks to something toxic in the soil.

Maxine married young and divorced her hedge fund managing husband after realizing he was a cross-dresser. She's making him pay for his love of lingerie, literally, and has no need of a job. On a weekend out partying after her divorce, she was drugged, raped, and marked with a scar that runs from her collar bone to beneath her breast. She and Cass lost touch during "the hedge fund years", but Maxine finally came to Cass in AVENGERS OF BLOOD, seeking help in finding the man who attacked her. She discovered that Cass has a similar scar on her chest; it seems they've been raped by the same man, although years apart.

After Cass is shot in AVENGERS OF BLOOD, Maxine decides to become a private investigator to work with Cass in finding and stopping their rapist.


When and where is the story set?

Maxine's first novel moves between the very fictional Arcadia located in Forney County in East Texas, and the very real Dallas, Texas. Maxine was born and raised in Arcadia but finds that even though she needs to come home to be closer to Cass, she can't leave her big city life behind. Thankfully, she has enough dirt on the cross-dressing ex-husband to fund comfortable homes in both locations.

The book is set in 2011, the year of Texas' worst drought in nearly a century. If you've read the Cass Elliot crime novels, you'll recognize many of the characters who turn up in Maxine's story. In a place as small as Arcadia, we're bound to bump into the same people now and again. But you'll also meet a host of new characters relevant to Maxine's life and this mystery.


What defines Maxine?

Maxine is ferociously headstrong and independent. Her father adored her but valued her older brother because he was the male child and therefore the heir to their family's oilfield business. She found herself competing for their father's recognition until his death when she was twelve. During their childhood and into their adult lives, their mother was absorbed in competing with her husband by building a successful custom furniture business.

This lack of attention and love drove Maxine into the bosom of the dysfunctional Elliot family. She spent much of her childhood in Cass's home, simply accepted as another of the many children racing through the house.

Maxine is defined by her gender, or more specifically by her father's belief that while girls are special, boys are worthy. Marriage to the hedge fund manager introduced her to power and money on a massive scale, and while she's more than financially secure thanks to his love of silk panties and the trust fund her father left her, she needs to build her own life, to find a path that allows her to be taken seriously. She's decided that the road to credibility lies in becoming a private investigator and working at the Lost and Found Detective Agency with her aunts, Kay and Babby, and her cousin Cindy.


What is the main conflict? What messes up her life?

Maxine is mouthy, impetuous, and overtly sexy. She's fully capable of messing up her own life, although circumstances outside her control have contrived to kick her occasionally. She surreptitiously takes a case on her first day at Lost and Found and decides to work it herself, assuming that finding a missing husband is a no-brainer. After all, she's had a husband, hasn't she? How hard can it be to find one that's gone astray?

From that decision, things go from bad to worse. When the aunts find out, Kay makes up her mind to fire Maxine for working without a PI license, and Babby only manages to save her by promising that Maxine will work under her supervision. Chastised, Maxine accepts the help of her aunts and cousin and finds the husband, but also discovers that his life is a tangled web of lies. The deeper she digs, the more secrets she discovers and the harder it is for Maxine to let go of a case she's already solved. When people start dying, she doesn't believe the police have arrested the right murderer and pushes her aunts, her cousin, and Cass to help her find the truth.


What drives Maxine?

When she started working at Lost and Found, Maxine's sole goal was to use their resources to find her rapist. But as she's worked the case of the missing husband, she's found that she enjoys investigations and that her passion for seeing things to completion (or her hardheadedness, depending who you ask) is a benefit that can drive her to succeed. More importantly, she's discovered that the truth, and finding it, matters greatly to her.


Is there a working title for this novel?

Nope, no title yet.


When can we expect the book to be published?

Follow me on Twitter (@gaelynnwoods) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaelynn.woods) for news about this release and upcoming Cass Elliot novels.

________________________________________________

And now I'd like to introduce you to two fabulous authors that I've read and enjoyed, Dana Griffin and Sinclair Macleod. Check their blogs in the next week or so for introductions to one of their characters.

Dana Griffin (dana-griffin.com) writes high intensity airline thrillers. Yes, thrillers about airplanes. His first two books are THE COVER-UP and COERCED, and Dana knows what he's talking about. He's been a pilot for 25 years, the last 15 of those with major airlines. All this experience gives his books a reality that makes for a wild, conspiracy-filled ride. You can find him on Twitter at @DanaGriffin97.

Sinclair Macleod (sinclairmacleod.blogspot.com) lives in Glasgow and writes THE RELUCTANT DETECTIVE mystery series starring Craig Campbell, a Glaswegian insurance investigator pressed into finding out who murdered a young boy. Sinclair has a way with characters, giving you a sense that these are real people who live and breathe. He draws you into the seedy underside of life, but manages to leave you with a bit of hope for humanity no matter how depraved we may seem. You can find him on Twitter at @sinclairmacleod.

Making Hay While the Sun Shines #farming #amwriting

One of the blessings - or curses, depending on how you look at it - related to writing crime fiction is that I can't help but look for danger in almost any situation. It's summer, and that means it's time to make hay in East Texas - or not, depending on the weather. We've had a beautiful spring and summer so far, and the pastures are lush with grass. Some farmers are working on their second cuttings of hay, but we've just had our first cutting done.

Since many of my friends live overseas or have never had a chance to see hay baled, I wanted to share a few photos of how the process works. And, as usual, I'm looking for creative ways to kill my characters. It's that blessing or curse thing.

The Musick Men are our hay balers and they start checking out our pastures in May, but we're usually not thick enough to cut until June. Hay baling is a five-stage process if you count the growing stage, and I guess we should.

Stage 1: Growing. Pray for rain and hope the grass grows. Yes, it's that simple. You can fertilize and amend the soil, but without rain, there's not much hope for hay.



Stage 2: Mowing. Essentially, you hook a great big mower to your tractor and drive around the pasture in ever decreasing circles until you've cut all the grass. Leave the grass to dry and pray for no rain.

(Nope, those aren't the Musick Men, that isn't our house or pasture, and their tractor doesn't look like that. I had a great photo of Mr. Musick the Younger cutting hay, but can't find it. If you squint and tilt your head just right, this is kind of how our mowing went.)



 
Stage 3: Fluffing. The technical term is raking, but it looks like fluffing to me. After the hay dries, attach a rake to your tractor (the attachment looks like modern art against the sky, doesn't it?), and drive around the pasture in ever decreasing circles.

 

The rake fluffs the hay and leaves it in neat little rows, like this:

 

4: Baling. This is where the fun comes in. Attach the baler to your tractor and drive around the neat little rows, sucking the hay up into the baler, rolling it into a round bale, then tying it with twine and dropping it out the back. Looks like a dinosaur giving birth, if you squint and turn your head just right.

 

 (Those babies are nothing to mess with - they weigh in at 1,500 pounds or more. Hefty.)

5. Stacking. This part might seem silly, but you've got to get the baled hay off your pasture so you can start growing grass again. 

The Musick Men are kind enough to stack our hay where it stays relatively dry and is easy to access in the winter.

Now for the killing part. Is there opportunity for one of my characters to die when baling hay? Absolutely, particularly if the baddies are baling the hay. Sadly for real life farmers, the risks related to hay baling are all too real. Accidents happen every year, resulting in amputations, deep cuts, broken arms and legs, crushing, and death. The Musick Men are some of the good guys and thankfully, are conscientious when they're working with farm equipment.

In the fictional world, there's a great chance that one of my bad guys won't be so conscientious and will die while baling hay, or maybe when an errant bale rolls over them. Oh the fun we have in the country...

photo credit: Therm0 via photopin cc
photo credit: kingary via photopin cc

The Battle for the Harvest Begins... #Texas #garden

Texas is a wonderful place to set a crime novel. Not just because we locals are such characters, but because the epic struggle for life takes place at all levels, and the weather often plays a role. The Cass Elliot crime novels begin in 2011, the year of Texas' worst drought in nearly a century, and the weather plays a role in the series; in one case, helping uncover a crime that occurred decades before.




For now, my struggle is all about crime in the garden. These aren't words you'll often read, but it's been a fabulous spring in Texas and our summer is off to a gentle start. Our garden is bursting with tomatoes and onions, the potatoes are huge, and the strawberries are coming along. The masked thieving critters are out in full force, and I don't mind sharing as long as they share back. Unfortunately, they love the garden almost as much as we do, and I'm desperate for fruit protection solutions. This is serious business, folks, because who knows when we'll have weather like this again?


I planted five peach trees in January 2011, the winter before this terrible drought began. Not very clever on my part, but who was to know? Some friends gave us a fig tree that spring, and it's struggled ever since. We also have a pear tree that's as old as Methuselah and adored by the cows - it's their favorite scratching post.
 

We've struggled so much with the weather over the past four years that I haven't expected much from the fruit trees, and they've reliably not delivered, with the exception of the pear tree. That thing puts on pears every year, and every year my husband walks out and squeezes the pears, saying, "A couple more weeks." And "Maybe another week." And "Tomorrow's the day!"


Trouble is, every year the thieving raccoons have their own very reliable ripeness testing routine. Without fail, we've woken on "the day" to major disappointment: the raccoons have called in their buddies and worked overnight to steal every pear from that old tree. Those pears they didn't outright eat, they took a nice nibble from and tossed around the pasture so the fire ants can have a go. Needless to say, hubby's bummed every year, because it'll be another year before we get a shot at the pears!

This year, we have peaches to protect in addition to the pears. Yes, we could kill the raccoons, which would be in keeping with the whole crime novel thing, but my husband's determined to beat them at their own game. This year, he's gone on the offensive and wrapped the trees with six strands of electric fence wire. He's linked the cages to our electric fence, which holds enough charge to pop a cow hard enough that she won't go near the fence again. So far, so good. He's testing the fruit every day, but neither the peaches nor the pears are quite ready for picking. We won't know if the electric fence works until we win and the raccoons and fire ants go away disappointed.



I'm draping bird netting over PVC hoops to protect the strawberry plants, but I hate the stuff. Birds get caught in it, one rat snake got tangled up in it (I was most unhappy to have to cut him out, even though he had strangled himself), and this morning a red-headed woodpecker was fluttering around inside the hoops. He was easy to release, but this stuff is a pain. It's saved the strawberries, but I'll need a better solution for next year.

As irritated as I am with the crime prevention that goes along with gardening, the experiences will come in handy. Goober, a gentle soul who manages to stumble into the most gruesome crime scenes in the Cass Elliot novels, is a wonderful gardener. I think he'll have the benefit of my frustration when it comes time for him to plant his next garden, and who knows? Maybe somebody will have a nasty run in with a thieving raccoon or get tangled up in some electric fence...

photo credit: lovecatz via photopin cc