I've seen a few comments lately about whether the friends you make on social media sites like Facebook or Twitter are really friends. They question whether you can have a meaningful relationship with someone you've never met, and are likely never to meet. Some say yes, others say no. I'd say the people you meet through social media are pretty much like the people you meet in 'real life': a collection of folks who stay with you through thick and thin, those whose company you enjoy on an occasional basis, those who run at the first sign of trouble, and those who simply are trouble.
Although I've lived in big cities and traveled pretty widely, I'm somewhat naive when it comes to meeting people and making friends. (If you were traveling on the London Underground between 1999 and 2007, I was the gal who made eye contact and smiled. You might've wanted to have me arrested for aberrant behavior, but I couldn't help it. Still can't.)
Maybe naive is the wrong word. I have few reservations when it comes to meeting new people and making friends, and I rely on my gut to determine whether you're someone I want to know better.
Is it easier to make that gut level determination in person? Possibly. I watch your body language, hear the tone of your voice. I feel the strength of your handshake, observe how you interact with those you might consider less than yourself, like wait staff or receptionists. On social media I rely on your written interactions with me and with other people. Some folks I've met through social media make me uneasy due to their language, the nature of their comments, or the inconsistency of their behavior. We can all be who we want to be online, but it's hard to be someone else full-time.
There aren't many people who make me uncomfortable. On the contrary, I've met some wonderful people who provide great support or comfort, and who make me laugh. People who are genuinely happy when I achieve something big or small, and share my frustration when things don't work out as I'd hoped. People who trust me with what's going on in their lives, and want to know what I think and feel about what's happening to them. People who help me when I need it, and will ask for help when they need it. Aren't these the kinds of things friendship is about?
Maybe I'm being naive again. It's quite possible. But I've had the pleasure of meeting a few of these cyber-friends in 'real life', and have found everyone I've met so far to be just who they presented themselves to be online - a real friend. Will every encounter turn out that way? Probably not, but I'm grateful for those that have.
What about you? Do you think it's possible to make real friends through social media?
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Yes! I think so. I probably have some of that social naivete you were talking about, but I look for friends everywhere. When I strike up a convo with a girl who served me at Walmart or see a new handle in a chatroom, I always entertain the possibility that here's a new friend. Some of them might not share the sentiment and might even think I'm a weirdo for being friendly, but when those meetings turn into friendship it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was still doing chat roleplay, there were a few people I talked to outside the game and became good friends with. I knew them for years, even after I stopped playing. I lost one of them a couple years ago to a massive seizure, and I miss her terribly. I never got to meet her face-to-face, but losing her certainly felt the same to me as it would've had we met in class or at our favorite bookstore. Her family must've felt the same, because they used words from my commemorative blog post at her funeral.
Anyone reluctant to make connections online shouldn't be. You can meet some of your closest friends there, people who have a great impact on your life. You just have to trust your gut, like you said, and be a friend yourself! Great post!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Donnelle. It's wonderful and amazing that you can care so much about a cyber-friend that you grieve for them after they're gone. But that's how true friendships go, regardless of their origin.
DeleteI had to laugh when I read your comment. I'd just finished writing an email to a gal I'd met online but not in person. We've become such good friends that I've 'forgotten' that I don't know her in real life! That's happened with several people I've met online, and I treasure those friendships as much as those I share with people I've met in person.
Thanks again for the comment - it's nice to meet you!
My social media friends are totally real. We call, we write, we laugh, we stay in each other's houses and I can call on them when I need help. I'd say that's real enough for anyone.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Jenny - what a fabulous set of friends you've found! I'll bet there are many more out there waiting to be discovered.
DeleteI think it's like a modern day pen pal!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Louise! I was just talking to a friend (who I've met through social media) about how the days of 'real' letters seems to have passed. I've always loved writing letters back and forth, but I enjoy email just as much.
DeleteThanks for stopping by!
I completely agree with Louise, it's like a modern-day pen pal and you can find real friendship and support - I know, I've gotten it from you and from the guys at Venture Galleries as well as many others. As I'm a self-published author, I tend easily to depression (book marketing is so hard, not at all in my nature!) so it really helps to have online friends who notice when you write a blog post (at least that! Now if someone buys one of my books and writes a review, I jump for joy!)
ReplyDeleteWith online friends, you're never alone...
Too true, Claude, with online friends we are never alone. That is comforting! Venture Galleries seems to be growing quickly, but it still has an intimate feel. I like that, and feel like I have some real friends there. And I'm totally with you on the jumping for joy regarding the book sales and reviews...
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